MEDICAL INSURANCE EXPLAINED
(Research done by the AARP Legal Department)
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.
Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.
Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
To Your Good Health (because as you'll see, you'll need it!),
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.
Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.
Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.
To Your Good Health (because as you'll see, you'll need it!),
posted by Hujonwi at 03:35
4 Comments:
Johnny,
I find your Q&A concerning HMO's the most honest on the net, very rare to say the least; as rare as HMO coverage. I am sending this commit via my laptop as I am presently in route for my appointment with an HMO covered doctor, my third day now, yet am excited to just get in, as well as view all the scenery through the swamps of where ever it is that I am. Thank you so very much for the insites, I just hope Mo is home when I show up !
Dar Jhnni, jst wantd ta let ya knows that I hde da ofsse brane operaton fer da $20 co-pays and is do'n fines. Cant figer out whys I pees myself wen I uses da mico-wave now, butt I mades nother pointment sos as to finger dat one out 2. I wov mine doc an dont minds my slobbn all de times now eithern causen it makes ebertin easier to put stamps on mine male now. Wondrbal! I donts hab to lik da stamps anymores, just slides em down mine chin and good to go, ya know!
WELL, all I know is that after visiting my HMO I can now laugh, sneeze, cough, and pee my pants all at the same time! And without medication! Although I do have a co-pay.
You guys crack me up.
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