Something to Offend Everyone

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? *
*Juan on Juan*
What is a Yankee?*
*The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. *
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ? *
*The position of the dirt bag *
Why is divorce so expensive? *
*Because it's worth it. *
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? *
*Doughnuts*
Why is air a lot like sex? *
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. *
What do you call a smart blonde? *
*A golden retriever.*
What do attorneys use for birth control? *
*Their personalities.*
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? *
*10 years and 45 lbs*
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? *
*45 minutes*
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? *
*Through his chest with a sharp knife. *
Why do men want to marry virgins? *
*They can't stand criticism *
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? *Because those men already have boyfriends. *
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? *
*After a year, the dog is still excited to see you *
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? *
*The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. *
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? *
*Because they have cotton balls. *
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? *
*A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. *
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? *
"Are you sure it's mine?" *
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? *
*Mace will do that to you. *
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? *
*Everyone has the same DNA. *
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? *
*Breasts don't have eyes. *
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? *
*Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. *
Where does an Irish family go on vacation? *
*A different bar.*
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby? *
*They named him "Sum Ting Wong". *
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? *
*A speech impediment.*
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? *
*They're hiring.*
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? *
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe". *
*How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? *
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! *
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? *
*A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale begins *
*"Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.... *
Why is there no Disneyland in China ? *
*No one's tall enough to go on the good rides *