I want a wabbit

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,
Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's soon her level and asks, do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,
I don't think my python weally gives a thit.

Hay

Thanks for all of your support. It went great. Can see out of both eyes now and my 'nurse' has taken great care of me....

My Houseboat, with sundeck....

Hay

Getting other eye fixed today. Posting might be light for a few days while my 'nurse' takes care of me...

Good One....

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour, surgical procedure.
A young, student nurse appears to give him a part ial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he may elevate his vital signs from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir."
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly,
"Thank You very much. That was wonderful, really felt great; but, listen very, very closely......
"Are - my - test - results - back?"

Thanks Dan

Someone has finally made an orthopedic bed just for MEN

Available only at "Butts, Boobs and Beyond"



Thanks Neenie...

How to Become an illegal

[Everything ya read after this was the email I got.]
I don't care if this letter is real or not...it just cracked me up, and my sentiments exactly. Particularly the part about college tuition!!!
How to Become an illegal - more truth than humor
Every one of us had ancestors who were immigrants unless we are an American Indian. I am for immigration. However, it must be legal immigration not illegal. The following letter from an Iowan to his Senator is a classic. I tried to find information on snopes.com and truth-or-fiction.com but there was none available. So the authenticity of the letter is still a question mark.
Becoming Illegal (Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator)
The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC, 20510
Dear Senator Harkin,
As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have Contacted The Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by The Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had To pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local Emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.
Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my Daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the Burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become Illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.
Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Mr. All American, Sr.
Burlington, IA

Thanks Neenie

How to spot an Okie who has had a DUI...

Thanks Mom

Interesting...

Now this is one cool motorcycle!!!
I bet it runs like crazy and with that radial engine it has to be vibration free or close to it!!
Plus have any of you heard how one of those old radials sounds? I bet it has a tone like nothing any Harley, or an Indian has ever put out before!!



Thanks Bro

MORNING SEX

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walked in. She turned and said, "You've got to make love to me this very moment."
His eyes lit up and he thought, "This is my lucky day."
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all, right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove.
More than a little puzzled, he asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

Thanks Neenie....









---
Life's tooooo short... to not live it.

That ain't no Shit...

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately result in death.

Thanks Neenie

Something to help you if you are having a rough day

Little Johnny Pics...





Thanks Neenie

Will I live to be 80?

Recently I turned 65 and had to choose a new primary care physician for my Medicare program. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well"
for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I will live to be 80?"
He asked: Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I don't do drugs, either."
"Do you have many friends and entertain frequently?"
"I said, "No, I usually stay home and keep to myself".
"Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"
I said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!"
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."
He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit?

Thanks Mom

Yep...

The President of Mexico announced that Mexico will not participate in the next Summer Olympics .
He said "Anyone who can run, jump, or swim has already left the country."

Thanks Mom

Differences Between Women And Men

Differences Between Men & Women
1.NAMES
If Rebecca, Linda, Anna and Jeanne go out for lunch, they will call each other Rebecca, Linda, Anna and Jeanne.
If Mark, Harold, Dave and Rob go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Harold, Dave and Rob will each throw in a $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from hotel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. OFFSPRING
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
All married men should forget their mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Thanks Mom

Brain surgery

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.
It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.
Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,
"Why is the male brain so much more?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

Thanks Mom

Truly A Texan......

A very gentle Texas lady was driving across a high bridge in Texas one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin' (ready) to jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said,"Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father."
He replied, "Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump."
She said, "Well, think of your wife and children."
He replied, "I'm not married and I don't have any kids."
She said, "Well, think of the Alamo."
He replied, ''What's the Alamo?''
She replied, ''Well bless your heart, just go ahead and jump, you dumb ass Yankee.

That's one big rattlesnake....

Thanks Dan.

I'm back....

To start with I would like to thank all of you that left comments and those who kept me in their thoughts and prayers. It was suppose to be simple cataract surgery but when the eye doc got inside my eye ball he found out that it was a hyper mature cataract and it moved into high risk. Well thank G-d he is one of the top eye doc's in Oklahoma and everything went great!!! I can see out of my right eye again!!!!!!!!!
Once again Thank You for your thoughts, prayers and comments, they meant a lot.
I would have had this posted a couple of days ago but my pre/post op 'nurse' has been keeping me uh 'busy'... It was kinda cool after we took the patch off of my eye. Was seeing double for a while so I had twins for girlfrinds... For a while.
Hay holiday send me an email at hujonwiATpeoplepc.com but remember to replace the AT with @ and I will fill ya in. Will try to send a pic. Not sure if she will let let me take a pic of her, ex use to beat her. I told her that she doesn't have to worry about that with me cause if I did hit her my brothers would be holding me down while my mom, sister-in-law and cousin beat the shit out of me.
Thanks Ya'll and Take Care.

Guess where I'm hanging out...