Out to Sea

A young blonde woman in Shreveport was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the Red River. She went to the Texas Street bridge and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young Sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the bridge, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the Sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love in the boat until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the Sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Horseshoe Casino and we never leave Shreveport".

Living Life Backwards

I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for college: drink alcohol, party, and you're pretty much a free spirit.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...
You finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.

Thanks Neenie

DEAR ABBY

Letters Dear Abby admitted she was at a loss to answer:
Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby, What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?
Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby, I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
[That one was from me...]
Dear Abby, My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. I think he must be crazy, do you?
Dear Abby, I was married to Johnny for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
[That one was from my ex-wife]
Dear Abby, My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.
Dear Abby, You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex, and he's a doctor. Now what do I do?

Thanks Bro

North & South

The North has Bloomingdales, The South has Dollar General
The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races
The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.
The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.
FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . . In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way! This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store.(They probably can work on your lawn mower as well as figure out yur fedril taxes too!!!!!)
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey! Y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.
If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.
It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it. Your kin would get a kick out of it too!

Sounds like fun....

If you are sitting next to somone who irritates you on a plane or train....
1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.
2. Remove your laptop.
3. Turn it on.
4. Make sure the guy who won't leave you alone can see the screen.
5. Open this email.
6. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.
7. Then hit this link:

Thanks Mom...

Little Johnny

Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mom was making dinner. His birthday was coming up, and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."
Little Johnny was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.
Little Johnny's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. "Of course," he said.
Little Johnny's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his behavior over the last year. "Go to your room, Little Johnny, and think about how you've behaved this year.
Then write a letter to Jesus and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."
Little Johnny stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write Jesus a letter.
Letter 1: "Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy this year, and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Little Johnny."
Little Johnny knew this was not true, so he tore the letter up and wrote a new one.
Letter 2: "Dear Jesus, I have been an okay boy this year. I still would like a bike for my birthday. Little Johnny."
This letter was no good either.
Letter 3: "Dear Jesus, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry, and I will be a good boy next year if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please. Thank you. Little Johnny."
Little Johnny knew this wasn't true, and now he was getting upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he needed to go to church. She thought her plan had worked and told him to be home in time for dinner.
Little Johnny walked into the church and went to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was watching. He bent down, picked up the statue of the Virgin Mary, and
slipped it under his coat.
Letter 4: "Dear Jesus, I got your mama. If you want to see her again, send the bike. Signed, You know who."

Yep....

Thanks Neenie

LITTLE FLAB !!

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife, pinched her on the butt and said... "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said....
"You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silent response...
So she rolled over and grabbed him by his 'DANGLER.'
With a death grip in place, she said...
"You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the pool man and your brother!"

Thanks Neenie

Friendship

Friendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there....

Thanks Mom...

Purina Diet

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dogs and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........
Duh!
I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.
I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.
I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

Thanks Boss....

New Medical Test...

STARE INTO THE CAT'S EYES FOR 10 SECONDS.....
now stare at the puppies...
NOW SCROLL DOWN







THANK YOU..... YOUR CAT SCAN and Lab Tests are now COMPLETE
That will be $1500 please.

Thanks Neenie

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Goingtothepub 7.5 , and Softball 3.6.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 .
Please help!
Thanks,
Troubled User.....
_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Best of luck,
Tech Support

Useless Cat for Sale, how about free...

Thanks Mom...

Why I live in the South....

Little Johnny

One day, when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word "penis" in tiny letters. She turned to the class, scanned the boys and girls, looking for the guilty face. Finding not a guilty face in the bunch, she quickly erased the blackboard and began her class.
The next day, the teacher went into the classroom and noticed, in larger letters this time, the word "penis" scrolled on the blackboard. Again, she looked around the classroom in vain for the culprit, but found none. And so, the teacher erased the blackboard and proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning, for about a week, the teacher went into the classroom and found the same word written on the blackboard, each day, scrolled larger than the previous day.
Finally, one day, the teacher walked into the classroom expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board. Instead, she found scrolled on the blackboard:
"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

WINTER IN COLORADO aka Why I don't live in the North...

Dear Diary:
AUG. 1
Moved to our new home in Denver. It is so beautiful here. The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered with snow. I LOVE IT HERE
OCT. 14
Denver is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I LOVE IT HERE
NOV. 11
Deer season will open soon. I can not imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon. I LOVE IT HERE
DEC. 2
It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looked like a postcard. Went outside and cleaned snow off the steps and shoveled the drive way. We had a snowball fight today (I won).When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I LOVE IT HERE
DEC. 12
More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again that rascal. A winter wonderland. Wonder where all those snowplows are? I LOVE IT HERE
DEC. 19
Snowed again last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I'm exhausted from shoveling Damn Snowplow!
DEC. 22
More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I'm done shoveling. That asshole!!!
DEC. 25
"White Christmas" my busted ass. More snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the dumb bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on this freaking ice!
DEC. 28
More of the same shit last night . Been inside since Christmas day except for when "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere. The car is buried in a mountain of white shit The weatherman says expect another 10 inches of this shit tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?
JAN. 1
Happy freaking New Year My Ass!!. The weatherman was wrong (AGAIN). We got 34 inches of snow this time. At this rate it won't melt until the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck down the road and shit for brains had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I broke 6 shovels already, shoveling out the shit he plowed into my driveway. I broke the 7th shovel over his head
JAN. 4
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a deer ran out in front of the car and I hit the damn deer. Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car. Wish the hunters would have killed them all last November
MAY 3
Took the car to the garage in town today. Would you believe the body is rotting away from all the Crap they keep dumping All over the roads. It really looks like a piece of shit
MAY 10
Moved to Florida today. I can not imagine why anyone in their right mind would want to live in the God forsaken State of Colorado



And there predicting 5-8 inches of snow here, shit. That may not be much for you blue noses but for us it's a lot. I wonder, does my neighbor have a shovel...

So much for Global Warming...

Northern California
Thanks Neenie


Texas Panhandle. Those aren't sheep their Cattle, for you city folks the would be 'Moo Cows'.


My car. That's not snow that's ice, around 3 inches.
Now before you blue noses start laughing, remember in the summer when your whining about it being 90 degrees I'll be saying '90 that's it?'

When bicycle helmets make no sense...

A VERY BRAVE MAN WROTE THIS:

A son asked his mother the following question:
"Mum, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father.
"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

Threat

This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration Mohammed Omar, in retaliation for the execution of Saddam Hussein, warned the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America's supply of convenience store managers.
And if this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell, Earthlink, Symantec, and AOL customer service reps and Motel 6 managers.
It's gettin' ugly!!!.

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f**in number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it,
and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said. "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1. "Hello."
You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management really works
Happy New Year

Thanks Bro

Quote of the Day

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
- Theodore Hesburgh

Three funerals

Did anybody happen to notice the picture God painted for us as we watched the events of last week unfold on every news station around the world. The portrait of three men's lives shown clearly through the events of their deaths. One a wise man, one a foolish man and one a wicked man.
Three men captured the world's attention by their lives and their deaths.
Their funerals spoke volumes about the course of life they had chosen to pursue with the few short years God had granted to them. God opened the Book of Proverbs and showed the world the truths contained in His sacred Word.
All three men, President Ford, James Brown and Sadam Hussein had choices in their destiny. They have all three stood in front of the God of this universe with those choices unveiled and judged.
God allowed us to see three men.
President Gerald Ford, a man whose faith in God and service to his country was eulogized by many speakers during the solemn and dignified ceremonies which marked his passing. A man of character and integrity, not perfect but made righteous by his faith in Jesus Christ. It was in this righteousness he lived out his life as a servant to his fellowman and his country. Great men and dignitaries attended his funeral. All coming to pay respect and honor to a man most deserving.
James Brown also was eulogized in a funeral ceremony befitting his life choices. There was blaring rock music, gyrating bodies, costumes, and great sensual displays of revelry to portray the contribution this man had given through his life to his fellowman. He lived a life of drugs, alcohol, immorality and rock music. He was heralded the father of Rap music and the inspiration of Michael Jackson's greatness. His funeral with all of it's theatrics was befitting the excess of waste his life
portrayed.
Then we had the gruesome hanging of Sadam Hussein. His death as gory as his life. A brutal murderer and dictator, hung by his neck and secreted away in the middle of the night to an unmarked grave. Thousands of Iraqis celebrated his death for through his life he had brought untold misery and death to many. A man so wicked that it seemed the world breathed a collective sigh of relief at the pronouncement of his death.
Three men, three men who left their mark on the entire world, three famous men. All three have now stood before their Creator to answer for the choices they made in their life as you and I will someday.
There is only one choice and Gerald Ford's life exemplifies the nobility of choosing to walk in harmony with The Creator through the acceptance of Jesus Christ as his Redeemer.
James Brown chose to walk in the flesh. His life's work glorified the flesh and his death magnified the flesh.
Sadam Hussein chose evil. He was a narcissistic megalomaniac. His life glorified evil and his death was gruesome.
This all played out in one day.
God painted a great picture for mankind to see.
I pray people got His message

Two Friends

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT AND ONE FRIEND SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE.
THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT BUT, WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING, WROTE IN THE SAND:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.
THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH.
THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING, BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.
AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING, HE WROTE ON A STONE:
TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.
THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WROTE ON A STONE, WHY?"
THE OTHER FRIENDD REPLIED
"WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN IN SAND WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE WHERE NO WIND CAN EVER ERASE IT."
LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BLESSINGS IN STONE.
THEY SAY IT TAKES A MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL PERSON,
AN HOUR TO APPRECIATE THEM, A DAY TO LOVE THEM,
BUT THEN AN ENTIRE LIFE TO FORGET THEM.
SEND THIS PHRASE TO THE PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER FORGET.
IF YOU DON'T SEND IT TO ANYONE,
IT MEANS YOU'RE IN A HURRY AND THAT YOU'VE FORGOTTEN YOUR FRIENDS.
TAKE THE TIME TO LIVE!
DO NOT VALUE THE THINGS YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE
BUT VALUE WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE!

Thanks Mom

Curly's Joke Of The Day

Two young lovers go up to the mountains for a romantic winter vacation.
When they get there, the guy goes out to chop some wood. When he gets back, he says, "Honey, my hands are freezing!" She says, "Well, put them here between my thighs and that will warm them up."
After lunch he goes back out to chop some more wood and comes back and says again, "Man! my hands are really freezing!" She says again, "Well, put them here between my thighs and warm them up." He does, and again that warms him up.
After dinner, he goes out one more time to chop some wood to get them through the night. When he returns, he says again, "Honey, my hands are really freezing!"
She looks at him and says, "For crying out loud, don't your ears ever get cold?"

Quote of the Day

Thoughtfulness for others, generosity, modesty and self-respect are the qualities which make a real gentleman or lady.
- Thomas H. Huxley

Snow Boots

I've been told that there are a nice pair of snow boots in this picture but for the life of me I can't seem to find them.

Yep...

That ain't no Shit...

A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:
"This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package."
He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.
"She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion. Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothings he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said:
"Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion".
I still think those words changed my life.
Now I read more and clean less.
I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.
I spend more time with my family, and less at work.
I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day.. I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if i feel like it.
I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to. The words "Someday..." and "One Day..." are fading away from my dictionary. If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now. I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favorite food. It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come.
I would regret it, because I would no longer see the friends I would meet, letters... that I wanted to write
"One of these days".
I would regret and feel sad, because I didn't say to my brother and sisters, son and daughters,not times enough at least, how much
I love them.
Now, I try not to delay, postpone or keep anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives..
And, on each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day..
Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.
If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about.
If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it "One of these days ", remember that "One day" is far away... or might never come...
No matter if you're superstitious or not, spend some time reading it.
It holds useful messages for the soul.
Don't keep this message.
This Tantra must leave your hands within 96 hours .

Thanks Neenie, Oh Thanks Neenie

Yep...

Let's see if I understand?how the world works lately...
?
If a man cuts his finger off while slicing salami at work, he blames the restaurant.
?
If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.
?
If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, he blames the bartender.
?
If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.
?
If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.
?
And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilot at 35,000 feet, and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the crazed deceased blames the airline.
?
I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore.
?
So, if I die while my old, wrinkled ass is parked in front of this computer,
I want all of you to blame Bill Gates...Okay?

Thanks Neenie

I wonder if she...

Classic...

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be The Man Of Your House."
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced,
"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
Afterwards, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied,
"The f**kin' funeral director would be my first guess."

Not Smart Guy

Julio's wife thought it was very romantic when he vowed to have a picture of her tattooed on his arm.
"There's just no pleasing some women!" he moaned, after she threw him out of the house.

That ain't no Shit...

Trailer Estates

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in Trailer Estates, a Florida mobile home park. A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench. After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?"
He replies, "I lived here years ago."
"So, where were you all these years?"
"In prison," he says.
"Why did they put you in prison?"
He looked at her, and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."
"Oh!" said the woman. "Soooooo, you're single..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Another two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years.
One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center.
The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"
After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered, "Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.
Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?"
He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her.
First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to.
Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"
He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A man was telling his neighbor in Trailer Estates, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor at The Trailer Estates Medical Clinic to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
"Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful,'" Morris replied.
To which doctor said, "I didn't say that, Morris. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be careful!'"

Exercise Routine

New exercise routine. If you're over 40, you might want to take it easy at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.

Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!

SCROLL DOWN...






























NOW SCROLL UP...

That's enough for the first day. Great job!

Have a Cookie!
Have a marvelous and blessed New Year 2007!

TO ALL THE OWLS I KNOW

To all you OWLS (Older Wiser Laughing Souls)
Wisdom from Grandpa......
Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt that he forgets his sugar.
Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.
On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.
A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin' and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna "work"."
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up or leaks.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.

Can't add much more...

Arkansas Razorback players Clarke Moore, Brett Goode and Casey Dick need to stop hanging out on the sidelines!



HOW TO HANDLE A PROBLEM NEIGHBOR



Latest Grill Accessories These are a must have!

New Rules...

These are good.
George Carlin's new rules for 2007
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of thefootball team is doing these days--mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?
New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.
New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some Jack Daniels over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying "Do you want fries with that?"

Gender-testing

This is uncanny!

Are You More Male or Female????????

To find the Answer, look down.

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Not here, Stupid. Just look DOWN!!!

I kicked a pickle because I was drunk....

You all have to try this.....it is hilarious. And couldn't we all use a laugh that doesn't cost anything????
This is funny - type out the sentence you end up with in the subject line and forward to your friends....and also, send it back to the person that sent it to you.

Pick the month you were born:
January--I kicked
February--I loved
March--I smoked
April--I dry humped
May--I choked on
June--I murdered
July--I did the Macarena with
August--I had lunch with
September--I danced with
October--I sang to
November--I yelled at
December--I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a Mexican
6-------a gangster
7-------my cell phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbor
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19-------myself
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a permanent marker
30-------a llama
31-------A homeless guy

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White----------because I'm cool like that.
Black-----------because that's how I roll.
Pink------------because I'm NOT a homosexual.
Red------------because the voices told me to.
Blue-----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want.
Green---------because I hate myself.
Purple---------because I'm cool.
Gray----------because I was drunk.
Yellow--------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars.
Orange-------because I hate my family.
Brown--------because I was high.
Other--------because I'm a ninja.
None---------because I can't control myself.

Now type out the sentence you made in the subject line and forward to your friends And don't forget to send it back to the person that sent it to you!

Thanks neenie

In review of 2006.

There have been many, many times when I may have;
disturbed you,
troubled you,
pestered you,
irritated you,
bugged you,
or
got on your nerves,
But today I just want to tell you that...
I PLAN TO CONTINUE !!!!!!!

Ya never know...

An old prospector walked his tired old mule into this western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon. He had a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other hand he looked at the old man and laughed. Then he said "Hey old man have you ever danced?" The old man looked up at him and said "No I never did dance, I just never did want to". A crowd had gathered by then and the young gunslinger said "Well you old fool you're gonna dance now". And he started shooting at the old man's feet. The old man was hopping around and every body was laughing. He fired his last bullet then holstered his gun and he turned around to go back into the saloon. The old man reached up on the mule got his shotgun and pulled the hammer's back making a clicking sound. The young gunslinger heard this then every thing got quiet. He turned around and was looking at both barrels aimed at him. The old man asked him "Did you ever kiss a mule right on the ass?"
The young gunslinger swallowed then said "No, but I've always wanted to."

Guy's Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this down.
Finally , the guys' side of the story.
We always hear " the rules" From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1 . Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how! to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation, or Football.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a chance to learn the rules.

Good One....

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she's blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He's always there for her.
She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
>One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her and then she could see everything, including her boyfriend.
Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her boyfriend is blind too, and refused to marry him. Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just take care of my eyes dear."

This is how the human brain changes when our status changes. Only a few remember what life was like before and who's always been there even in the most painful situations.

Life Is A Gift
Today before you think of saying an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion.
Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean or sweep
Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.
Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, And fulfill it

New wiper blades

Hay holiday, glad to see your comments. How are things in the litter box? Have ya tried the co-blogging link yet? They just changed a bunch of things with blogger so if it doesn't work let me know.

Hey Guys, I got a new set of Wiper Blades on my car. I think they might be too big because they hang over the edges a little, but I don't care, they work great and I would have to say that they are the only blades I have ever had that I actually like to watch working. Call me crazy, but lately I have been driving around non-stop with them on. I've even been pulled over and the cop asked to go for a ride so he could watch them work.

They were outrageously expensive, but safety is my main concern and like I said, they work great.

Let me know if you would like a pair for your car for Christmas.



I will recommend that the US Army use these wiper blades on all of their vehicles...

Oh holiday this is the current wall paper I have on my computer, aka moooooslem repellant. It's also for all of you guys in the litter box. Oh holiday tell the ladies that ya serve with that if they want some beefcake they will have to go elsewhere or send me a private email...

Screen Cleaners

Though ya migh need your screens cleaned after the holidays.







There your screens are cleaned, carry on.

Do I have to?

You want me to do what?

This guy may be on to something...

While I'm not a fan of drug test....

Eskimo...

Two Eskimos, a big one and a little one, go to their local Alaskan convent with a question. The big one nudges the little one and says, "Go ahead, knock on the door, knock on the door."
The Mother Superior answers the door. Again, the big Eskimo nudges the little one and says, "Go ahead, ask her the question, ask her the question."
The little Eskimo timidly says, "May we speak with the midget nun that lives here please?"
The Mother Superior answers, "There are no midget nuns living here."
The big Eskimo starts nudging the little one again and says, "Go ahead, ask her the other question, ask her the other question."
The little Eskimo asks in a quavering voice, "Well. Are there any midget nuns in Alaska?"
The Mother Superior responds uncertainly, "Why no, I don't believe so."
With this the big Eskimo falls down and rolls on the ground, clutching his belly as he laughs uncontrollably.
"See", he says to the little Eskimo, "I told you that you screwed a penguin!"

Bill Clinton Started Jogging....

Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua.
But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day.
With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.
"Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb.
"No, Five dollars!" fired back Clinton .
This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days.
He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!"
And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!"
One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog!
As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.
He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the junior Senator.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual.
Sure enough, there was the hooker!
Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.
Then,
from the sidewalk,
the hooker yelled...
See what you get for five bucks!?"

Dogs

There is more truth than poetry in some of the sayings.
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
-Ann Landers
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
-Will Rogers
There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney
We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare.
And in return, dogs give us their all.
It's the best deal man has ever made.
-M. Acklam
Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
-Sigmund Freud
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
-Rita Rudner
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
-Robert Benchley
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
-James Thurber
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
-Unknown
My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can.
That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein
Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come from a grocery with the most amazing haul--chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
-Anne Tyler
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says,
"Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"
- Dave Barry
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret
My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am.
"One of the hardest things in life to learn is which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn."

Woof Woof and Bow wow!

Thanks Neenie

FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE

1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.
2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.
3. Colt: The original point and click interface.
4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.
5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?
6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.
7. "Free" men do not ask permission to bear arms.
8. If you don't know your rights you don't have any.
9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.
10. The United States Constitution (c) 1791. All Rights reserved.
11. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand?
12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.
13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.
14. Guns only have two enemies: rust and politicians.
15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.
16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.
17. 911 - Government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.
18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.
19. Criminals love gun control -- it makes their jobs safer.
20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.
21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.
22. You only have the rights you are willing to fight for.
23. Enforce the "gun control laws" we ALREADY have, don't make more.
24. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.
25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.
26. "A government of the people, by the people, for the people..."

IF YOU AGREE: PLEASE PASS THIS 'REFRESHER' ON TO 10 FREE CITIZENS

Thanks Mom